About me
The Elaine, you see here and will get to hear about, and I am a calm, happy and content human, full of unconditional self love. This for me, is THE most important thing that I can share with you about my 'identity'.
Why?
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Because in life, we tend to lead with what we 'do' as a statement of who we 'are'. But as I am here to help you, it's only right I tell you a little more about what I do....and share a little of how I got here.
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What you will hear about now is a woman in her mid forties, who takes pride in herself and her work as a Psychotherapist, Life Coach, Yoga Retreat Leader and Public Speaker... but I haven't always had this lust for life, or this deep level of self worth.
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After years of striving to 'be' something, I became burned out and disillusioned with this thing called 'life'. I hadn't chosen a 'traditional path' of having children and getting married, and I felt lost in a sea of people settling down whilst I was travelling the UK and Europe in a corporate career I 'should' have been happy in, a hugely active social life, my own house, a large friendship circle and a wardrobe full of gorgeous clothes that 'little me' could have only dreamed of....
Yet life wasn't 'lifeing' and I couldn't put my finger on why.
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I knew my childhood had been tricky and I had been a. lost soul throughout school, leaving without any qualifications. I had the 'dodgiest' of boyfriends, and my friendship group were mostly on the wrong side of the law... yet something guided me into work, and I discovered not only a strong work ethic, but a talent for leadership. Around the same time I developed a passion for exercise, and combined the two things to become highly respected wellness manager, group exercise teacher and mentor.
My identity became focussed on what I did, and then how I looked (the fitness industry and media was hugely and toxically focussed on women's bodies at the time).
I became highly critical of myself, and was often criticised by others. I had to fake the confidence, and felt I had to be this bubbly, happy, ball of energy... . but in truth? I was deeply unhappy inside.
Surrounded by ideas of external perfection, I started to become very detached from my why of 'helping people' and a whole new beast emerged within.
I channeled my lack of confidence into obsession making the 'outside' better. I became appearance obsessed. I went on a diet. I was then continuously applauded for obsessively healthy eating and 'finally' got the recognition I thought I wanted...I was LIKED! I was no longer seen as fat! (And as it happens even though I was a size 8 but became utterly miserable....mainly because I was eating so little and obsessed with keeping to the 'ideal' size and it becoming increasingly hard to maintain).
I had a string of poor dating and relationships (which made for comedy value and another part of my 'career matters most' identity., and just felt like I didn't fit in.
I was crumbling on the inside. I turned to food for comfort (away from the obsessive healthy type). I was binge drinking every weekend. I was shopping excessively to cheer myself up (didn't work for longer than and a day...but hey, I still have some very swanky coats) and getting into debt. I was ill and burned out. I thought I just needed a rest and a reset. And I thought my story was all about 'work'.
My life changed when I finally admitted how miserable I was- the day I met my life coach and mentor on a yoga a nd fitness retreat... the day I became consciously unhappy.
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Finally I could put some sort of perspective on my life. I knew where I was and knew I needed things to change.
Through coaching I identified some of my surface level limiting beliefs- that I wasn't good enough to leave my job and do something different. That I wasn't good enough in the job I was in. That I wasn't good enough to attract the 'right guys' - just the wrong ones. That I was 'fat and ugly' and this was why I was single....
I soon realised this ran way deeper than that, and what I had identified were surface level 'symptoms' of a greater root cause.
Through psychotherapy, I learned this came from childhood trauma, a deeply unsettling start to my life which lead me to perceive that unless I pleased people i would always be unlovable; emotionally and physcially unsafe and would never fit in because 'I', in my truest form, wasn't enough for anyone in this world.
Whilst my journey to being 'me' has been deeply challenging, it has allowed me to open up to a whole new world and to help people how I have been helped, and realised I have a gift for helping people to heal the relationship with themselves; for finding the root cause to their negative beliefs, self talk, overthinking, anxiety, self sabotage and more.
Self love is my thing, as is 'real' talk, and I want to help you find unconditional love for YOU: the type of love that doesn't just come from an 'other' or A N Y T H I N G else. Just you.
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Yes it's possible.
I already know you are enough.
You can have the relationships and life you truly desire.
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It's my honour to have helped 100's of people on their journeys so far...if this speaks to you and you'd like to work with me, you can find out more here, or if you'd like to download some self help resources you can click here.
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